Hello! This is my inaugural post on the (new) The Daily Feels- so I chose to talk about something that’s relevant to all of us…
I’ve been through a lot in the past years, especially in the past (a little over) two years. There has been a seemingly unending cycle of chaos, semi-chaos, mostly peace, and then chaos again. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, as my experience is not unique, unfortunately. For the most part, I’ve gotten through everything with as much grace and dignity as possible, and I am really proud of that. Never did I bad-talk anyone (publicly-hey, I’m human), nor did I talk about my circumstances with anyone but those closest to me. It’s just not my thing, and not all of my life is up for public consumption, as it should be with everyone, in my opinion.
During this recent past, I think a few smear campaigns were carried out against me, in fact, I’d be willing to bet money on it. My spouse left me under less than ideal circumstances (when is there an ideal circumstance for that?!). They left me and then talked about me to anyone who they could contact- and they did contact some very random people along the way, which was weird, but so was the entire situation. So, that happened- and what I know is what I’ve heard from others, so it’s not proper to share it, but it happened. Now, what kind of middle school bullshit is that, you ask?! The kind done by someone who is cowardly and scared for the truth to come out. That kind. There’s no other way to put it. But I got through it though, because I know the truth of my life and its circumstances, and those closest to me also know, so after initially getting upset I had to let it go so I could move forward in the way that I needed to.
Fast forward to this past year: Another person, who had called me a close friend, began hating me (I assume) for no reason that I could think of, and another smear campaign was initiated; this time by that “friend”. Come on, people- this is coming from someone well over the legal age of adulthood, and it’s not even acceptable at the middle school level, as mentioned above. It’s immature, and not necessary. Anyway, I got a phone call recently from a very close friend telling me what they’ve heard from another person that this “friend” has been telling everyone that they can stop, that I’ve been doing all sorts of horrible things- things that have never even entered the realm of thought in my mind.
My close friend was clearly very upset, and said, “You’ve GOT to say something and put this person in their place”- but you know what? Yes, it’s upsetting to hear that someone is so angry with me (and seriously, I have no fucking idea why) that they feel the need to spread outrageously made-up lies about me, BUT again, I know my truth, and those who are closest to me know my truth. It will be addressed, but in the most dignified manner that I can think of- because no one’s disturbing my peace at this point. I’ve had ENOUGH.
What is enough, and when is enough ENOUGH?
Things happen all the time, and we can choose to grow from the experience and move forward or stay in a place of anger and hurt, and be stuck with constant anger and resentment. Those are two very powerfully opposing choices. It’s common and normal for us to be angry when bad things happen, but it’s how and when we choose to move forward from that anger that’s so important.
Sure, it’s hurtful to have things said about you that are untrue. That’s why people do it- they want to hurt you in a way that they think will turn people away from you, or to make you feel humiliated in some way. Shit-We’re all guilty (and don’t you DARE say that you’re not!) of doing a variation of those things at some point in our lives (probably middle school, lol). When people are hurting, themselves, it is human nature to want to hurt others, so that someone else can feel as bad as they do. It may feel good in the moment, or make the person feel satisfied that someone else is also hurting, but it accomplishes NOTHING. It creates a cycle of people constant trying to hurt others, or prove that others wrong or bad or whatever- and that is NOT what we’re going for, people.
As we grow older, most of us mature and just put aside that kind of stuff, because we’re too busy living our own lives to worry about what everyone else is doing. But some people remain stuck in their anger or hurt and stay in the place where they were when that hurt occurred. They stay at that particular age or time when the hurt happened and can never- or choose not to- move forward and let shit go.
And letting go is the first step. The hardest part is to move forward- because it means you have to step out from that place, and go forward into an unknown and sometimes uncomfortable space until you find your new place of comfort.
People don’t like to be uncomfortable. They just don’t- but being brave enough to let go and move forward is the only way to grow and learn with dignity and grace.
Now, I’m not saying that these people have an excuse for the way they are acting, because let me be clear- it is WRONG. It is nothing but wrong to knowingly hurt another person. There is nothing good or justifiable about it. There is enough tragedy in regular, everyday life that we don’t need more crap on top of what already happens. But I have to feel a little bad for them though, because for some reason they are unable to let go of things and move forward in their lives. It’s not easy to move forward, but it is absolutely imperative to do so, in order to grow and mature- at any age.
We each have to be willing to do our mental and emotional “homework” if you will, so that we grow as much as possible as a person during our lifetimes. It’s frustrating that there are so many people just prefer to remain a certain way, and never really change. It’s hurtful when we have to be on the receiving end of their anger and harsh words, but it’s also freeing to be able to let it only have a temporary space in your mind, and then to kick that hurt out the door.