This month’s topic, ‘What scares me the most and why,’ has been an eye-opening experience in writing for me. I also feel I have grown spiritually from facing these fears. I realized I was carrying a lot of baggage that no longer served me. The fears range from the boogie woman to fearing others’ enraged emotions.
When I was a child, my greatest fear was something that adults could not see, the boogie woman. This being lived in my closet, so I would have to sleep with the light on so I wouldn’t be bothered.
However, others’ enraged emotions have been the biggest challenge for me. When they lash out, their energy feels like a knife cutting through me and I need a moment to regroup myself. I have often felt somewhat stunned and lost my train of thought.
These fears held me hostage and would not let go. Or was it that I was afraid to let them go. I got to a point where I knew I had to make some decisions to get me out of my stuck thinking. There was no way I could live my life without having an inner life.
The first thing I had to do was recognize why I was afraid and come to terms with some things. Honestly, I feared people were going to abuse me. For a long time, I was led to believe that I was to blame for all the problems they created. They were mirroring the buried resentments I had so that they could come to the surface and be released.
The fears blended into each other hence confusing me. I was holding on to energies that although hurt, were familiar to me. The pain of the fear was lodged in my cells so that each time anything came close to triggering it, I would shut down.
The denials grew until I decided to take ownership of the situation and deal with it. I developed an inner life with Creator and spoke with them as though they were my best friend. As time went on, I became more in tune with myself and was able to identify the beliefs that were behind the fears.
Switching my thinking from negative to positive seemed like a foreign concept. It required much mental work on my end to send those negative messages away. I still pursued my healing.
We’ve all read ‘Fear is an illusion.’ It has been called ‘False Evidence Appearing Real’ and ‘Face Everything and Recover,’ among other slogans. It is the very thing that can pull down a strong person in a hurricane situation. Fear can be seen as the hurricane, while the eye is nice and calm. I needed to put myself in the eye.
Now I am taking action to expand upon my spiritual relationship with Creator. For the past several years, I have been part of my church, where our ministers talk about love. Their words about life have been inspirational and have allowed me to open my mind even further.
With this, I now have a more robust inner life with Creator. I do my own form of meditation which consists of taking deep breaths and focusing on release on the exhale. I find this helps. I listen to calming music while writing/editing, which further relaxes my mind.
The most calming place for me to talk with Creator is on my back patio, and I frequently sit there. Here I can allow my mind to go blank as I hear the birds chirping and the squirrels scurrying through the trees. I have received many creative ideas here. Through this, I have gained a better peace of mind. The chaos that had been present is dissipating as I clear away the mental clutter.
All in all, it is me who is responsible for my fears. Modalities such as reciting positive statements in a firm voice can do wonders when repeated over time. Affirmations such as ‘I am part of Creator’s love’ is one that I recite daily. When I experience a fearful feeling, I remind myself that this isn’t the real truth and that this too will pass.
My life has transformed miraculously as I surround myself with positive-minded people. Thus, I release all the energies that no longer serve me. I remind myself that anything not of love is not from Creator; the only opposite of love is apathy. The absolute truth lies in our hearts is Love. Nothing can block the Creator’s love for our planet. Everyone is important and everyone’s consciousness contributes to our universe.
Each day, I visualize the Creator being connected to me, and I implement and execute my new beliefs on my life’s journey. I have to say life is now amazing. Things are working out in my favor and the Boogie Woman has been long laid to rest. I have embraced the Universal Truth and live my life by it.