When you see this blog of mine, it will be exactly twenty days until I turn “The Big 50!” YES! HALF A CENTURY OLD!! Eek! Considered the “golden age”! remember it was once the “old fogie age” one of my biggest fears was being ‘old’ when I was a kid… AND 50 was O-L-D! Today, you will often hear me say, I’m going to be half a century old! (which = ancient! Lol) I’m also about to embark my golden age, blooming, my autumn of life, efflorescence, my heyday, prime, my peak, my comeback, the peak of my life, my glory days, my breakthrough, sunshine and prosperity.
I was having a conversation on Clubhouse last week around physical health and comparison. For those of you who don’t know, Clubhouse is a social auto app that allows you to connect with others around the world on a daily basis, every genre and interest; from hosting rooms to speaking on stages. It has changed my life in a positive way – & I highly recommend it! My share was how I spent the majority of my 40’s comparing myself to my younger self. My 20’s & 30’s body and before becoming a mom. In the last year, I spent a lot of time working on mirror work, butt naked and loving every aspect of my body, especially the parts that don’t move or look as they did back ten to twenty years ago. And as I was sharing, I was like, hold up, why was I comparing myself to that girl in her 20’s & 30’s?!? I know I thought I was the bomb.com those days… however when I reflected in that very moment, I was like – There is NO WAY I want to be THAT girl today! I WAS A HOT MESS!! Seeking others to make me complete, seeking validation for existing, transforming myself to be loved by someone who never saw my value or worth, and making decisions that were NEVER part of who I was nor what I believed in!
Though I loved that girl back at that time to the capacity to what I believed was my max. I was not scared of anything or feared anything for those two decades. All the while, I had zero idea I was not living fully into what God created me to live and be. I was not only extremely insecure deep within, but I also didn’t believe I had the power to be anything and everything I wanted to be without the existence of someone by my side. While I say this now, I had zero idea I was fully “functioning” and moved through life within being scared. Scared of being loved. Scared of never becoming a mom. Scared of not being loved. Scared of being left behind. Scared of never wanting to feel like I didn’t matter. Scared of not being seen. Scared to lose. Scared to not succeed. Scared to not have control. And truly petrified not having others to validate me in every capacity that I behaved, acted, moved, and performed in my business and personal life to do things so others would ‘confirm’ my existence by appreciating my efforts, my hand-outs, my contribution. And to be super clear, it was from a place of love, not manipulation or not from my heart. However, as I sit and remanence during that time, I was truly just existing. I was not living with conscious intention in a purpose driven life as I am today. If you read my August Blog, you already know it was in this exact period where I literally came home one evening and collapsed on the floor in a fetal position. THIS was the end of who I was and the beginning to who I am today.
It was in those years to follow that I took that big dreaming girl who was unsure, scared of living, scared of becoming and decided to dig deep into finding ME! It was in those years when I uprooted every single moment, I lived scared & full of fear and uncovered it was all from my twelve-year-old self who felt unseen, unheard. The little girl who was abandoned, abused, and lost. It was in these years that I discovered the gift of forgiveness, the lifeline of gratitude, and the process of faith over fear which now are all major pillars to the core of who I am and how I have learned to function in this ever-evolving world we live in.
At 49, I have battled my fears through my faith and through muscling my way through each one of them. Slowly becoming M.E. by going after them with full faith and trust in the path and process that God planted every desire, dream, and destiny of my life the day He created me and that they are all mine for the taking while I am here on Earth…. HOWEVER ONLY if my eyes, heart, mind, body, & spirit are open to receive and see where He is guiding me to be and do.
AND THIS is my BIGGEST FEAR, the one thing TODAY that scares me THE MOST! IT is NOT seeing, believing, trusting where God is taking me. The journey along the way. The lessons I am to receive. The adversities and the setbacks that I’m supposed to learn, grow through to become more of me in the end.
Ironically, just six days ago, when I was looking for music for my reel, I came across this song by Jeremy Camp “Keep Me In the Moment” WHEW!!! It has moved my soul and spirit! I get emotional every single time I listen to it. I have listened to it EVERY SINBLE day since!
I am late to the spiritual movement this song brings me as it has been out since 2020.
“I’ve been thinking ‘bout lately, maybe I can make a change and let You change me. So, with all my heart this is my prayer. Singing Oh Lord keep me in the moment. Help me live with my eyes wide open. ‘Cause I don’t wanna miss what You have for me. Singing Oh Lord show me what matters. Throw away what I’m chasing after. ‘Cause I don’t wanna miss what You have for me””
Can you feel this!!! Definitely run now and (like N.O.W.) and let your fingers download this! Listening to it totally has a greater impact on your soul~
Who I was to Who I am becoming! The evolution, the journey, the process, the metamorphosis!!
I DON’T WANT TO MISS ANY of IT!! – ESPECIALLY ALL THAT GOD HAS FOR M.E.!!
Even though I know I can get through anything and everything that crosses my path through gratitude and my faith, I am a human being and I have doubts, fears, insecurities. THIS emotional state of fear is being scared. I always want to remain mindful, aware, and consciously live with my eyes wide open! Soaking in every second of life! Stop chasing or fighting battles that are insignificant and don’t matter to where I am becoming!
THIS no longer holds me back. THIS no longer hinders me from becoming. THIS no longer holds me captive. THIS is FEAR. The emotional state of FEAR = SCARED.
F.E.A.R no longer means Face Everything And Run.
F.E.A.R. now means Face Everything And Rise! Through Trust. Through Courage. Through Calmness and Through Equanimity!
“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do” – H. Ford
“Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it” -S. Dali
“We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets.” -M. Monroe
“Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones,”-T.N. Hanh
What does FEAR look like to YOU? What are you no longer fearing that has once held YOU back? What are you doing today to leave who you were to become who you were made to be?
“I DON’T WANNA MISS WHAT GOD HAS FOR M.E.!!” HOW about Y.O.U?!?
MARY KIM FARKAS
Mom Link CH President*Co-Founder The Keepsie*Advocate*Global Speaker*Philanthropist*Multi-abuse Champion MeetMaryKim.com
Mary Kim Farkas is a single mommy to her nine-year-old son, Desiderio with Down Syndrome. Desiderio is the light in her soul, the joy in her heart, and the inspiration behind her fight. Losing her birth parents at a young age did not deter her in believing that love can make the world go ‘round. Mary Kim is a champion of abuse by people she trusted as a child. Her drive, determination, and belief that this is not the way life is supposed to has allowed her to carry on because she had to. Growing up in an Italian American household instilled strong family values. The power of prayer in one’s life was learned at a very young age. It is the core reason why the power of faith is strongly rooted into her heart, soul, and purpose in life today.
Mary Kim Farkas’s gift is to see the light and the silver lining in any situation as she firmly believes tests become your testimony. What one may perceive these are scenarios to break you, Mary Kim thrives on knowing we are given these not to break us but build us to be the person God created us to be.
Mary Kim Farkas is living a purpose driven life with integrity to aspire and with intent. Sharing her testimonies of life to not only break generational curses, stigmas, and abuse, but mainly to let others know they are not alone and that they too can decide to become a champion despite the adversities they endured. Mary Kim is also passionate on advocating for her son’s Down Syndrome and Differently-abled community.
Follow Mary Kim Farkas on her quest to “Embracing Life Enriched with Joy”
“Living a Purpose Driven Life with Integrity to Aspire and with Intent
Email: marykimfarkas72@gmail.com