Once upon a time there was a Mama. All day long she would toil away at redundant home care activities that nobody ever seemed to acknowledge. When there would be a slight, second of awareness that something of theirs had been cleaned, fixed, or organized in any way, the children brushed it off as some type of inexplicable miracle. 

How do the dirty clothes mysteriously manifest themselves into perfectly organized piles that are neatly put away in their appropriate rooms and drawers? Pajama bottoms and mismatched socks  find their partner against all odds and once again can be worn with glee because they smell so fresh. (PERHAPS…. it is the ghost of laundry past….. insert scary woooo, woooooo ghost sounds) Torn and outgrown clothing evaporate without explanation while newer, more appropriately sized, and seasonally aligned items seem to come from NOWHERE. Somehow this new clothing materializes in the closets, freshly washed, nicely hung, and neatly folded. Not a tag in sight either! This wonderful new clothing is always adorned with our most beloved characters and always in our favorite colors. (I know what it MUST be…….my closet must also be a secret portal to Target…..HOW COOL!) I know that Mom loves Target but it’s only so she can hit up Starbucks and tell me “No” to everything my blessed, little heart requests. SHE certainly would NEVER have bought me such impressive clothing. 

Broken toys suddenly will work again, only a few days after I express my frustration to that Mommy person. (Battery gnomes can be the ONLY possible source…….but…..HOW DO THEY KNOW?) Older, outgrown, or boring items inexplicably disappear and newer entertainment items that align with each child’s age and personal interests suddenly manifest themselves in beautiful bins that match our individual room décor. (Toymaker faeries and organizing genies…….it MUST have been them) That Mom person is only drinking coffee again and making Doctor’s appointments, while filling out school paperwork, answering emails and taking out the multiple garbage bags that have been cluttering the garage. She certainly doesn’t have the time nor the concern. Doesn’t Mom know that if she just leaves it alone, the garbage Demogorgon will clean the garbage for her while we all sleep? What a waste of her time.

Dirty dishes will suddenly vacate their location of previously congesting the countertops and sink. How ever did these kitchen items become “de-crusted” and squeaky clean from last night’s pizza dinner, after sitting unwashed in the sink all night? (It HAD to be that sneaky dishwasher goblin posse…..so kind of them to help) Don’t forget the numerous kitchen cups, dishes and utensils that once were hiding under the children’s beds, undetected for so many weeks. These moldy and rank smelling items curiously transformed into items that could no longer be used as global, chemical weaponry, AND……..they reappeared in their proper kitchen cupboards and drawers! (Under the bed gremlins….. their legend roams far and wide…..it was CERTAINLY their handiwork) That Mom lady always says how much she hates doing the dishes; something about it being never-ending. She is SUCH a DRAMA QUEEN! Her dislike of this chore makes me almost certain that she could not be the magical creature responsible for our clean kitchen and under the bed areas.

Some days the refrigerator somehow has been cleaned out of nasty, expired, and smelly food. The children’s favorite foods will appear in all their glory in the pantry, fridge, and freezer. It is absolutely, exciting, and completely mind blowing! HOW does this wizardry occur? (Petite kitchen sprites…….it is the only REASONABLE explanation) Lunchboxes for school are also always clean which is odd since we don’t really clean our daily spills (too busy….oh….and we don’t really care) because each day new food just appears anyway, so all is good. (MUST have been some otherworldly magic……) Mom is always bugging us to prepare our own lunches and we somehow are always “too busy.” How does she not realize by now that the kitchen sprites have it covered? It is so simple. We just go to sleep and when we wake our lunchboxes are full of everything we love. Duh. Get a grip Mom person.

Mom, you can relax and put your feet up. Stop stressing yourself out! You too can be like your relaxed family. Ignore all household work and mythical creatures will miraculously take care of it all, because it certainly could NEVER be Mom. It MUST be the faeries, gnomes, secret portals and of course…that Demogorgon.

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