I come to you today before the end of the new year to let you know I will be taking a hiatus from writing on the Daily Feels Blog! I have immensely enjoyed being able to share my life with others. It’s with a heavy heart that I did decide to step down for a little while to take time to work on the things that I need to work on for myself. I’m sharing an old blog because it seems so appropriate for this time of year. I wish everyone a happy and healthy new year. I hope we can all MoveOn and for 2022 to be better than ever. Thank you so much for all of your support and for those who read my blog and reached out to me. It meant a lot to me to be able to touch other people’s lives and I do hope that I will come back and write again at some point.
So………………… If you know me is to know I am opinionated, I wear my heart of my sleeve, I say what I mean and I am rarely speechless.
Yet; here I sit an opportunity at the tip of my fingers to participate in an AWESOME project. Can you imagine that I do not know what to say or write?
My head was swirling because I have a million things I want to say and talk about. Yet, the instant I had to put this in writing I froze.
When I got that email from Janis talking about this blog she wants to start I was so honored she thought of me and thought to ask me to participate in something so close to her heart and so important!
She said she would send some more information and see if I wanted to join her project. I read the first email and panic set in- (sorry J). She asked for a photo, a name I would use, a video and who I was and what angle I wanted to take.
Oh Boy! What angle do I want to take? YIKES! I have no idea. I love lifting others up, I have spent years being a girl scout leader and on the PTA, I LOVE to cook , party plan, I am fiercely loyal to those I love and care about, friends and family mean the world to me. I have to tell you for a quick second I thought I have to back out. I cannot do this. I am not a great writer, I hate pictures or videos of myself and could I really participate in something so profound. I did not want to let her down.
I think that as women we self-doubt, we create scenarios in our head. “I am not good enough” “I cannot do this” “what if no one wants to hear what I have to say”. But, I then said who gives a SHIT! At least I have a platform to write down my thoughts, feelings and desires. I get to share it with eleven other Warriors with stories to tell.
As I sit here and write this today I was recently diagnosed with a medical illness which made me question am I really living my life to its fullest. I have been living with thyroid disease for twelve years and I recently found out that I have deal with the complication of having your organ fail you.
I do not write that for anyone to feel sorry for me and I am not here to compare stories. It just sucks and that is all. It did remind me that I am here and I am alive. It reminded me to live life to its fullest every day.
The self-doubt girl came creeping up that I have spent so long trying to hide and put away. I wanted to call Janis up and say I am so sorry but I cannot commit to this project.
I think that showing our vulnerable side is always a gamble. It is dangerous to admit we are not so sure of ourselves because we do have some inside voice that cares what other people think of us. I have not always been the confident person I am today. I still struggle with self-doubt and criticize myself. It took many years to except myself for who I am.
Why do we put our hopes and dreams aside in order to be able to fulfill some other chore, task or obligation in our lives? How often do we place self-doubt in place of positive self-talk?
It is okay to want to put yourself first; it is okay to say you know what I have to do this for me! It is okay to not be perfect and to not have it all together and to say NO when you don’t want to do the things you are being asked to do.
So today I challenge you to say YES to something you want to do for yourself. I also challenge you to say NO to something and not feel bad that you are doing that.
I cannot even count how many times I have felt like cannot be the only one going through_______! Add whatever you want in that blank line- So here I am about to hit send!
It is with mixed emotions!
I am not sure where this blog will take me. I need to find a groove and get into it. Bear with me on this journey which is bound to be exciting! I can’t wait to bitch about my trials and tribulations as a mom, wife, cook and social worker sharing recipes for love, life and food.
Book Suggestion: (for when words fail you)
The Emotionary n. a dictionary of words that don’t exist for feelings that do by Eden Sher and Julia Wertz
Deborah Levine-Powell is a psychotherapist in New York, where she works with teenage girls who are victims of abuse and trafficking. She is a wife and a mom to a tween and teenager. When she is not working, you can find her engaged in PTA activities, a leader at Girl Scouts, having fun with her friends and family, while serving up hot soulful dishes in the kitchen.