I have spent a good amount of time over the past month thinking about the people in my life, how they show up for me and how I show up for them. I say this often because I know it to be true, we learn the most about ourselves within our relationships. Whether personal or professional, how we show up and our willingness to give ourselves to our friends, lovers, family, coworkers, and neighbors matters. It also matters how we receive from our families and friends. Whether it’s giving or receiving help or support, feedback or love it matters because most of us and I include myself in this statement, choose to stay hidden. We stay hidden because it is safe. We stay hidden because our past and current traumas tell us it is necessary for survival. Protecting ourselves and especially our souls influences how we move through the world. We at times move with fear, anger, skepticism, frustration, and distrust because we are told by our traumas that the world is out to get us and all people if we allow them to will hurt us, even the ones we love.
Trauma is tricky, most of the time we don’t realize the impact it has on us because it is buried deeply in our bodies. And if you are like me there are layers of trauma manifesting, shaping, and effecting how I show up in the world. Intergenerational trauma, childhood trauma and societal traumas are layered on top of each other taking up space in my body and delivering negative messages to my mind, body, and soul. I have created practices to heighten my awareness and inform me of how I show up for my friends and family, but I still catch myself hiding and not using my voice at times.
After my blog last month when I wrote about my anxiety debilitating me for weeks I received several phone calls, texts and emails from friends worried about me. They felt bad they didn’t know I was in pain and suffering. Several emotions surged through me as I received each correspondence. Each expression of love and kindness made me feel so much that I took a deeper look at how I show up in the world especially for my friends and family.
I know I need my friends and family by my side. But I also know I need quiet reflective time to listen to my inner wisdom. Having friends and family who care about me, my well-being and my happiness is an incredible feeling. Knowing they see me as a strong and intelligent woman means the world to me. Without their support I would not have managed the past few years with the level of grace, love, and joy I was able to maintain. My people are amazing, and I am truly grateful for them. I will continue to painfully build my awareness and joyfully celebrate all the beauty in my life with them by my side. They are a huge part of my strength and with them I will continue to accomplish great things. I hope to also be able to uplift my friends and family in the same manner they uplift me. There are days I believe I can fly because of them.
I hope these words allow you to reflect on some of your relationships. Think about how you show up or don’t show up. How do the people in your life leave you feeling? Are they showing up for you and having you believe you can fly? When you truly love and care for yourself you will be surrounded by others who truly love and care for you. When you lack self-love because of the trauma you have absorb, relationships are exhausting. You are left feeling depleted and using a tremendous amount of energy to create safety shapes to hide your true self. You make excuses for being mistreated, you downplay the level of destruction and hurt, and you believe it’s all okay. It’s not okay. Once you can recognize the trauma and how it is manifesting within your relationships love will surround you again. Love is always a part of you. It gets buried by the trauma our bodies collect and surfaces once your soul heals. Healing begins with a great amount self-awareness and even more self- compassion. I was able to receive the messages of love and support from my friends because my soul is able to feel and know compassion. The process of healing my trauma has allowed me to reflect love back to them and to myself. Love is extremely powerful, and it is at its greatest when it shows up in the form of self- love.
Kristin Asadourian is a personal development and leadership coach. Her coaching practice is strongly influenced by her work as a social worker and a community organizer, which taught her the importance of community, compassion and confidence.
She is the founder of Living Become, LLC an organization focused on delivering workshops, educational materials and keynotes to empower all people, KA Coach, a confidence and leadership building business, the Los Angeles based arts education not for profit, Artists for Change, and the documentary film company, Seeroon Productions which produced the internationally recognized film, “Beginning Where the Soviet Ends: A Study of Social Work in Armenia.
Kristin works to inspire people to live their true potential. She can be found living her truth guiding young people and adults through leadership workshops, coaching individuals and small groups, speaking on building self-awareness and self-confidence, out for long bike rides, on the trials for a run and making messes with her two children and their goldendoodle.