Hi, Everyone! Can you believe that summer is already winding down? I mean even though it feels as if I have been on the longest summer vacation ever with this quarantine. But I do hope you all are getting out there and enjoying some of this great weather we have been having, safely.
During my time off, I spent a lot of quality time with my best friends- a circle of really amazing strong women and we got to talking about dating and men. Along with them, I know so many other women, friends, colleagues, and/or bar buddies who are in solid relationships, but I know just as many if not more that can’t seem to find a “good” man. What I hear from all of them is that there are no good men out there.
They meet cheaters, liars, players, inconsistent texters, men who are too short, too fat, bad teeth, no hair- I mean the list is endless!!!!
By definition, to us, a good man is someone who actually wants to invest the time in courting you and getting to know you. Someone who sticks around longer than a couple of weeks and doesn’t think texting is the #1 form of communication. Someone who we are attracted to physically and emotionally who exhibits consistency. This is a huge one – CONSISTENCY!!!!
I started to wonder whether or not there really are no good men out there or is something else the real issue? I mean someone is meeting them. I see women in good solid relationships with men who love and respect them.
So, I got to thinking —– and THIS is all theoretical (and I include myself in here too) because this blog is all about fleshing topics out, uncorking myself, putting my ramblings on paper along with chuckle or two.
Anyway, is it possible that there is a level of fear on the part of women that is being translated into a shortage of good men? Could fear be the factor? Could fear be holding us back from being open to meeting someone worthy of our love?
Can a self-sufficient, competent, intelligent woman really not find a man or is it possible that we are afraid? Many of these women, like me, are older, some divorced, some have had a couple failed relationships. So, isn’t fear a possibility? Isn’t it possible we are afraid of another failed relationship? Afraid of rejection? Can our own insecurities be holding us back?
How about fear of giving up our independence? I mean, yes, we do say that we want a man or companion but I know I for one, after being single for so long, I have learned to enjoy my own company. So, it’s like when I meet someone, I don’t measure him up to my ex or another man, but to myself. And I am pretty amazing!!! I know how to entertain myself. I love to read and write, take naps, go out with friends. I agree with all my own politics, who else is going to do that?
Can we also be afraid of rejection? I see all these younger women out there, spending thousands and thousands of dollars on plastic surgery. (I don’t knock it – I am all for self. -preservation!!) but guys don’t seem interested in women like us. We are not young enough, or sexy enough, or I don’t know what enough. So maybe some of us fear rejection. What if we actually meet a nice guy and then he dumps us for one of those younger, perkier chicks?
THIS IS ALL HYPOTHETICAL – and I guess I am playing devil’s advocate here.
Finally, maybe we are just afraid of commitment. Relationships take hard work and effort. They also require compromise and we are such an egocentric society (men and women) that we fail to understand that sometimes you have to give a little to get a little. Without compromising your true self of course.
Maybe the truth is there are enough good men, even great, out there. But I think we block ourselves with fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of rejection. Fear of commitment. FEAR! FEAR! FEAR! Sometimes we ruin relationships before they’ve even had a chance to begin. Other times we are judging ourselves before they get to know us and assume they don’t want us. Or we make assumptions about them and create scenarios in our head of things that don’t exist.
Some of us have this very precise vision of what we want and we turn away a “good, consistent, hard-working” man, because he’s 5’10” instead of 6’ (I’ve been guilty of this- LOL). I’m all about the law of attraction, but come on guys! You have to have a little wiggle room.
And, just because the right man hasn’t shown up, doesn’t mean there is a shortage of good men. It just means that the right man hasn’t show up for you.
But in order for that to happen you have to put down the walls, let go of the fear, think of what you want in a person, make a list of wants and non-negotiables, declutter your home and your heart and…
Then go about the business of living your life, do you, be you, love you – until that good man shows up!
And in the meantime, stop saying “there are no good men”. Every single time we say those words or agree with those words, we are manifesting more “no good men”. What we put out into the universe is what comes back to us.
Just keep your eyes and heart open -if a good man is part of your destiny and I do believe we are all meant to have a good, solid partner, he will show up when he’s supposed to. Just be ready!!
I am a 50-year old Latina divorcee who has been on a spiritual journey for, yikes, a really long time. Though I am not where I want to be, each day I do get closer to who I am meant to me.
I co-raised two young ladies and am a grandmother of two spunky, smart and funny kids – Max and Esme.
Education has been my niche for the last 20 years and I don’t know why. I wish someone had given me a career survey in high school or college to realize that #1- I am NOT a morning person and #2- I don’t really like kids, not even my own. So, I am searching for my passion. Not sure what that is yet. But there are a few things I am exploring, writing being one of them (that’s why I am here).
I have issues with commitment, not so much relationships but committing to my goals, putting in the work and seeing things through. But I did commit to making my 50’s the best decade ever. So far so good. I love yoga, traveling and writing; but mostly wine. Yes! I love wine.