How are my single readers doing during this pandemic? Hopefully safe and healthy!!!
Today I wanted to talk to you about online dating and how I am entertaining myself these days.
Years ago, when I went through my divorce, I did some online dating. At that time many people were eerie about the dangers of dating online. I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get a visual first, and then have open conversations with like-minded adults and weed out the ones you didn’t like. Simple enough.
I tried online dating through my single years. After Kiss. came Match, Christian Mingle, Tinder, Bumble, to name a few. Oh! How can we forget Zoosk? The list is endless. There are apps for teens, the LGBTs, senior citizens, swingers, even a specific app by Ashley Madison that is solely for extramarital affairs, as if all the other ones don’t lend themselves to just that.
Recently, right at the start of the COVID-19 quarantine, I decided to go online, #1 to do some research (see if these apps and experiences had improved any) and #2 for pure entertainment.
I signed up on Zoosk (someone suggested it) and POF, the infamous Plenty of Fish, which is mostly famous for the cheaters and gameplayers. But that’s a whole other blog.
I’ve been on these sights for about 3 weeks. I do not pay for the extra “perks” because quite frankly, I am a firm believer that if you’re going to meet someone, it’s going to happen regardless of whether you can see if they read your message or whether you can send or receive emojis.
So, let me throw in a little disclaimer:
Online dating apps are purely entertainment. You cannot take them seriously. I have never gone on a date off these sites that was successful, if I even get to the point of going on a date because typically men’s attention span is limited. Just picture a child in a candy store. Well, I imagine that is what an online dating site is like for men.
Anyway, so since I’ve been online, I have had three relationships, two breakups, a very serious offer from someone who wants to “be my slave and obey my every command” (his words exactly) and two huge arguments. LOL. This is what happens during COVID-19. I mean, in the past, I would not have entertained any conversation long enough for anyone to insult me, but, it’s like I said, online dating at best is entertainment. And what the fuck else do I have to do these days??
The three relationships were all great at the beginning. I swear. Great conversation around the clock. Lots in common. I was told they knew I was the one and couldn’t wait for quarantine to be over. One of them even said he had no need for the app anymore and would shut it down. I was like, “um ok!” (Entertainment at best, folks.)
But what I was really thinking was, “Really? You don’t even know if I am real. I could be a total catfish”. Apparently, that’s a thing still. Catfishing people. I don’t know why if you plan on meeting in person you would send fake pics. Is your personality really going to reel me in and keep me when I see you in real life and you look nothing like your pictures?
And folks, it has nothing to do with being good looking because we know looks are subjective. It has to do with looking like the pics you sent because ultimately the initial attraction is visual. But this is only acceptable from men. We are not attracted, and we are called vain. SMH!
Anyway, I told him if you want to shut it down go right ahead. Whatever floats your boat. After a few days (this was the same pattern for all) the texts dwindled and they started to exhibit the same “ghosting” patterns as in person. Eventually, they disappeared. Next!
Of the two relationships that were left, one of them got upset because after a few days of imaginary dating, I told him I didn’t think we were a match. We had facetimed and I wasn’t attracted to him. His kitchen was super dingy and dirty (shit everywhere) and he started prepping food while we chatted, and didn’t wash hands (Coronavirus!).
He just exhibited qualities that I didn’t like. It was a whole vibe. He insisted that it is impossible to get a feel for someone virtually and I disagreed. He said chemistry is not even a thing. WHAT?!?! (Of course, it is). My responses to him dwindled and finally, he proceeded to send me a very angry message both on the app and via text, telling me basically that I was on the site just looking for men to stroke my ego and that I should grow up if I am really looking for love. Hm. So, you mean to tell me that you love me, already?
Needless to say, his message solidified what I already knew – we were definitely NOT a match. I didn’t respond. I mean had I sent that text to him, I would have been called a crazy bitch. Next!
I had someone else literally just say “You’re fake. Take down those fake pics. You can’t possibly be 51.” I was like, well, it doesn’t matter you’re 26, I wouldn’t date you. Next!!
Listen, I could go on and on with these stories but I’d much rather tell you what I’ve learned with online dating during these times.
It hasn’t changed much as far as how people navigate the sites. There has been an increase in usage according to an article published by CNBC but that would be consistent with the current times we are living in.
Even when you look at the ages, I mean I have seen men on there in the 70 to 80 range. Which I think is just wonderful. Everyone needs and wants love. Or at the basic level, we want a human connection. Even if only virtual.
But, instead of online dating being a great vehicle to narrow down what you want and/or don’t want in a person, online dating is still filled with more people playing games than not. People who just want to look at pictures, send fake pictures, create a fake personality, build a bank of people you say you want to meet when in reality you probably have no intentions of doing so.
Don’t get me wrong, I think online dating can and has worked for a lot of people who end up in long term relationships. But I would say that is not the norm. But I also say, what else do we have to do?
So, if you’re single, go online! Create a profile! Talk to other adults! Especially if you’re stuck in the house with a 20 -year-old who sleeps 19 hours out of 24, and a cat who is still not sure why you’re in the house now ALL THE TIME!
In the end, just remember online dating is like watching reality TV and you’re being entertained. One more thing you can do to keep busy during this new normal we are living.
PS: Here are some fun headings to keep you entertained. LOL!
“I am a fun and loving human being” (I would hope he’s human)
“Fun People” (Is he looking for fun people or does he have multiple personalities and considers himself more than one person?)
“I like sharp clothes and sharp cheese” (WTF!!!)
“Tired of dating scene” (But you’re on a dating app)
“I’m 27 not 41” (Young enough to be my son.)
“How much does a polar bear weigh?” (Why?)
“Watch out for Carol Baskin” (Of course someone had to throw this in there. LOL!)
Stay safe and healthy
Lola U.
I am a 50-year old Latina divorcee who has been on a spiritual journey for, yikes, a really long time. Though I am not where I want to be, each day I do get closer to who I am meant to me.
I co-raised two young ladies and am a grandmother of two spunky, smart and funny kids – Max and Esme.
Education has been my niche for the last 20 years and I don’t know why. I wish someone had given me a career survey in high school or college to realize that #1- I am NOT a morning person and #2- I don’t really like kids, not even my own. So, I am searching for my passion. Not sure what that is yet. But there are a few things I am exploring, writing being one of them (that’s why I am here).
I have issues with commitment, not so much relationships but committing to my goals, putting in the work and seeing things through. But I did commit to making my 50’s the best decade ever. So far so good. I love yoga, traveling and writing; but mostly wine. Yes! I love wine.