There comes a point in our lives when we find ourselves saying:  Who am I and what have I done with “my” life.  That’s not a question, it’s an opportunity to discover where our passion lies.  

There are so many people out there who go through life trying to be what others think they “should” be or they follow someone else’s dream without ever fulfilling their own.  How many times have we heard parents tell us what they expect of their children or we’ve watched parents live vicariously through their children?  They condition their kids to follow the dreams they didn’t fulfill leaving their children to believe their parent’s dream is their dream as well.  If the walls of therapists’ offices could talk I bet they’d have a lot to say on this subject.  Parents think they’re doing what’s best for their kids and their children despite what may be gnawing at them internally go out in the world doing what their parents say is best for them.  

How many spouses put demands on their partners as to what they expect from them.   I’ve heard many people say they feel lost in their relationship because nothing they do is ever good enough.  How could it be if what they’re doing is someone else’s demand and not their own strength? They’re not given the opportunity to be themself.   No wonder so many relationships fail.  Lives are not built on expectations alone.  They are built on respecting the gifts and talents that each possesses.  We need to become less demanding and more encouraging so that we can help one another bring forth what yearns to become visible and beneficial in having a healthy union.  

Who’s to say what’s best for anyone, especially if we’ve never learned how to listen to and take from our own little voice.  That’s why it’s so important for each of us to take time for ourselves.  Not only by pampering ourselves (all that does is ease our tension temporarily) but to separate ourselves from the everyday distractions that lead us away from rather than towards our path in life.  We need time to discover who “we” are not someone else’s concept of what we should be.

So many people equate a successful life with monetary gain.  They look at themselves as failures because they haven’t achieved what they or others expected them to be.  How many people have followed the road to success only to find themselves no better off inwardly?  Sure, they appear to have it all, money, power, the dream life yet they are not satisfied.  Take a good look around, how many of those people would you say have a peaceful existence?  They may appear to be living the dream but how many nightmares are attached to that dream?  Yes, money makes life more pleasurable but it does not guarantee happiness.  If money, power and living the dream were the answer we’d have a much happier surrounding world then we have right now.  Issues prevail no matter how much fame or fortune is acquired.   Fulfillment doesn’t come from what we place in our bank account it comes from what is stored in our heart.  I know, I know, most of you will say I’d rather be miserable with a pocket full of money than with an empty one.  Great as that sounds it’s not necessarily true.   We find true contentment when we find our way not the ways of others.

Of course there have been parents that were wise enough to help their children discover their own gifts, spouses that were confident enough to love without demands and hard-working people who achieved wealth and prominence that remained humble and grateful for their accomplishments.  And believe it or not, there are even those ambiguous souls that have it all without having it all.  Why do you think that is?  I’ll bet it’s because they discovered who they are and live life contently being that person.  They understand the ups and downs of life’s pattern and more importantly, they are willing to nurture others into finding what they have to offer to the world.

How many times in my own life did I hear people tell me what they thought I should be.  They all had different ideas in mind.  Had I listened to all of them, I’m sure I’d be dealing with multiple personality disorders now.  I wouldn’t have been able to handle that.  I have a hard enough time dealing with the couple I already have.  Could you imagine?  My poor husband would never survive living with any more personalities added to my mix of crazy!  lol.  I’m perfectly content with the ones I have.  They know me and I know them.  I’ve learned how to live my life my way.  If people expect from me, they may be disappointed.  I do me in my own way, not anyone else’s.  When I give of myself it’s because I want to.  I’ve reached the point in life where I don’t need to prove myself to anyone.  What I offer is what I feel.  What I try to give comes from my heart in hopes that somewhere in the realm of things that I brought a smile or a moment of joy into the heart of someone else.  That’s the me that has always yearned to surface.  Anything else that emerged was based off of behavioral patterns that I put into existence by trying to be what I was not.  When I let things be, they become what’s best for me.  

For what it’s worth, should you find yourself in the crossroads of life, don’t freak out.  Use it as an opportunity to delve inside to bring forth the best of you.   Stop putting demands on yourself or expectations on others.  All that does is leave us in a frustrated state of hostility.  Be open to greet the unexpected as a new opportunity and not a hindrance or calamity of errors.  Once you allow yourself to be, you’ll realize all the pomp and circumstance was never necessary to make you shine.

Married 44 years to my hubby whose purpose in life is to prevent me from getting through the “Pearly Gates”. Mother of two, Nanna of four loving granddaughters and retired secretary aka administrative assistant. I went to the University of Hard Knocks where I received my Doctorate. My thesis is titled: How To Survive Life’s Trials Without Killing Yourself or Someone Else. I live by the belief that when life throws you a curve, learn from it rather than use it against yourself. Faith and humor are my survival kit. Appreciate the simple things for they are the true treasures of life.

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