Ok, so, I’m gonna let you in on a secret about me. I talk to the moon and the stars. I do. Many nights, I sit on my porch and just talk to the heavens above. I like to call it my Angel Pow Wow. I don’t consider myself religious even though I spent most of my youth in the front row of a church choir. Over the years, I’ve adapted my Bible Belt basics to encompass a more worldly appreciation for all the miracles of life. Call me a hippie, but I refer to “god” as “the universe” and its a personal choice. I’ve realized that if god created everything, “he” must just BE everything. Different name, same god. You feel me? 👍🏼
With that disclaimer in place, let me tell you a story about being careful what you ask “god” for when you talk to those stars or bow your head to pray. The Universe/God isn’t just listening to your one request. It’s considering every thought you’ve ever had and your true desires in your subconscious, as well as the words you say out loud. Then, it carefully gets to work sending you what you truly asked for, not what you NEED. I think this is the universe’s greatest lesson to all of us. We’ve all heard the epic tales of people rising from the slums to greatness. But not all of us have the same level of success even if we do all the praying and some to manifest it. I also don’t believe in destiny and the notion that “god” has already laid out my path. That would mean I had no free will and hence, what’s the point of humanity? I do think the universe is in a constant quest to move/adapt/ elevate humanity to its most harmonious state. But no great quest is ever fulfilled without struggle and failure. It’s in those times that we often learn our most humble lessons. Not all lessons learned come with great material reward. So when I sat down and said, “I just really need a win somewhere”, the universe said, “ok, pick your win wisely”.
You see, I have been pondering what to do next. I am writing a feature film with an amazing young writer. I am also currently the primary caregiver for my son who’s in the midst of ABA Therapy for his Autism Spectrum Disorder. I am also missing, oh god I can’t even say it …corporate life, just a hair. Basically, I am at a crossroads. I love that I’ve spent 6 months with my son in therapy. He’s doing great. I love our film in the works. I love that I am home. But with every choice we make, there comes consequences. For example, making your first movie is a HUGE process. It takes a loooong time to gain ground. Then when it does take off, it’s like a rocket shooting to the moon. Being a full-time caregiver is equally amazing, but comes with its own set of challenges. The ABA Therapy is for Ollie to learn the correct social behaviors, but it’s even more about teaching you as a parent how to raise YOUR unique person and find joy in it. I’ve had to check myself so much these past few months and it takes a toll on your self-esteem, even the most mentally sound. These things were all possible because we made financial sacrifices this year to gain traction in these lanes. I’m thankful for it, but I know this is just a chapter and one day, hopefully soon, I’m gonna be ready to saddle up and ride off to my next career milestone. I just don’t know where I’m headed exactly.
So, when I talked to the heavens, I didn’t ask for change. I asked for a sign that this is where I am supposed to be at this time in life. Is this the path I am supposed to be on? I thought about the future. My son will always need therapy, especially as he gets closer to teen years when hormones throw off everything for all kids. But I still want to have a career that I am passionate about and contribute to my family’s well-being. So, after weeks of star talking, I decided to try to get a part-time job as a Behavior Therapist. I have a degree. I checked all the requirement boxes. The hours matched my availability. I felt pretty good about it. I’d be helping parents, helping kids, and still producing/writing in the feature space simultaneously. I did some research and, BAM, found a place doing walk-in interviews for that exact job. I went in, gave it my all, and walked out with an offer letter. I was hired on the spot. It felt so good. I was content. This was an entirely different avenue but seemed to check all the boxes of what we needed right now. I exhaled finally thinking THIS was my sign. Oh, but the universe wasn’t done. Not by a long shot.
That same afternoon, I got a call from a film maker interested in working together. He’s ready for coffee to touch base. It was a follow up to a meeting I had a few weeks ago. This was so cool. Again, this fell in-line with my wants for the future. Now, I have a steady job and a potential film to work on in the near future. Sounds like all that I wanted was aligning and that sign I was asking for was pretty damn clear now.
Then, I checked my email. The universe thought it would test my passion with an offer MOST can’t refuse. A recruiter from a big digital media company had reached out personally to ask for a phone interview. They had 2 roles they felt I was a good fit for. My jaw dropped. This was a good offer, a killer gig. There had to be a catch. There’s always a catch. I sat down and wrote out all the possibilities and really observed which routes got me to my end game. If I hadn’t had the morning I had, this would have been my ONE sign that solved all the issues. Or did it? A part of me felt like I was being tested by a higher power about what I wanted more at this point in life. It kinda pissed me off for a second. I thought “I asked for a SIGN, not a life lesson!”
As I sat on my porch that evening, I realized what was happening. I remembered that history repeats itself if we don’t learn from our past mistakes. This was the universe challenging my true want. All I’ve ever wanted was to help people and tell great stories. Yet, when a big carrot (aka $$$) was dangled in front of me, I took the money to make my family’s life very cozy. Yet, at the end of that money-hungry journey, I was always left drained, unavailable, and unfulfilled. The universe wanted to make sure that this time, I kept my edge and trusted my own capabilities to hit my long term personal & professional goals.
Every path has a set of consequences unique to that route. One is not more definitive than the other. Why would the universe give me so many choices? What if I chose the wrong one? That’s when it hit me. I got exactly what I asked for. Options. I realized that perhaps there’s always another path to take; that there isn’t one obvious sign. There is an endless amount of options, but to choose the best one for you is really an inside job.
The key thing I took away from that grand day of signs was that no matter what path I chose, there would be some good and some bad that came with each. There is no BIG sign. There are many, and I will have to weigh the pros and cons of each. Whatever I choose to do next, the universe will honor my choice, but it won’t make the path a solid straight line with no bumps or debris on the road. And you know what? I think I’m ok with that. I have finally come to a place where I’m not frightened by the unknown. I’m liberated by it.
Had I only recognized one of those signs, I might have put myself on a path I wasn’t truly passionate about. I believe the universe is always sending us signs, multiple signs. It’s our job to look inward and ask ourselves; which route are we brave enough to travel blindly? When we choose, can we progress with full faith, no fear, and a dedication to conquer all the hurdles we might not see just yet on the journey? If you can say yes to all the what-ifs and maybes of that sign, that’s the one for you. Take the sign, run with it. Don’t ever look back. There are no u-turns, just further bends in the road ahead. And if you still fall short, you can just look up and start again with a deeper respect for whoever is up there rooting for your soul.
Have a good one, Daily Feelers. Remember…
JB McCann has worked in “The Biz” for almost a decade, yet she’s somehow managed to keep her feet firmly on the ground. Her altruistic spirit aims to evoke your Inner Phoenix and encourage readers to take the difficult leaps in life, so you can continue to grow.