A very long time ago, I was told that I wouldn’t be good at raising kids because I have no patience. I was hurt by that comment. Kinda pissed about it, actually. Until I realized I was angry because it was mostly true. Not the raising kids, part. I mean, duh, if I actually had kids, I would
But the patience part?
Hmmm…Um, well. It’s just…you see…but…I WANT THINGS WHEN I WANT THINGS!
Who doesn’t?
But there’s this little thing called life.
The Universe does work in mysterious ways. And those mysterious ways can take time. Don’t even get me started on how long it took me to find love. The beautiful, healthy, long-lasting kind. I really appreciate it, Universe, I do. Buuuuttttt 46 years??! Really?!
I suppose the Universe set me up with the right love at the exact time I needed it. To prepare me for dealing with my “next phase” of life – which I’ve been chronicling here on the Feels for the past 12 months (BTW, Happy One Year, The Daily Feels!). I’ve been in, what shall we call it, a reorganization mode. A revamp. A reinvention? Whatever “it” is, I’ve been at it for 3+ years following a layoff after a super-duper-gainfully employed decades-long career as a commercial radio DJ. All I can say is I’m not sure how I would be getting through all the ups and downs without my boyfriend. He lends me his patience when I need it (and I’ve needed it, a lot). He lets me do all the worrying (lol) – because he knows it’s all going to be OK. And even better yet, he’s real nice to snuggle with.
At times, I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. I’m just looking for my path to a career that feels like home again. But my yellow brick road has been full of hits and misses, with more than my share of wicked witches, lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my. And there’s a whole ton of construction delays. Everything. I mean, everything. Takes. Time. And then some. I know I ran a marathon (or two), but good heavens. Where’s the finish line? Where’s my “There’s no place like home?”
Ring. Ring. Ahh. There goes that patience alarm again. It’s time to wait:
Every time my friend Bobby says that line to me (and trust me, he says it often) – “Nothing happens on our own timeline” – I want to punch him. Hard. But, I know, deep down – he’s right. That jerk. 😉
For a patience-impaired person, the job search struggle is real, people. There have been opportunities, for sure, but all the puzzle pieces haven’t exactly fallen into place like I’ve wanted. It’s not just about finding any job(s); it’s about finding the right one(s) that align with me, my talents, my future. When I say you must have patience, I mean…
Y O U M U S T H A V E P A T I E N C E.
(see, even that line took longer to read)
I do know things will finally happen. They always do. I had one company get back to me two years after I initially reached out to them. In NYC, I went on voiceover auditions for three years before I finally booked something with my agent. I almost left a DJ job because I was stuck in overnights for a year. But as luck would have it (or that mighty Universe), I didn’t get any of the record label assistant jobs I interviewed for during that time and, bam, I suddenly found myself DJing Middays following Howard Stern at one of the coolest rock stations in the country (Hail to 92.3 K-Rock NYC!).
I haven’t been alone sitting here in a time-out on the patience bench, either. I was talking to a friend who just scored an amazing gig. Good for her, right? Must have been super easy, right? Wrong. The process took her 9 months and interviews with a total of 17 people. 17 people!!!!!!? 9 months?! She wins the patience award for 2018-19.
Another friend said to me, “You know how it works – there isn’t an opening until there is one.” Meaning – all of a sudden everything is going to fall into place. When? When everything finally falls into place.
So, what’s my point? When you’re looking for something, all you can do is keep looking. Keep putting yourself out there. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Because
The great part about waiting for something, (that’s right, there’s a good part), is that when that thing you’ve wanted, worked so hard for, finally does arrive. And you waited a really, really, gut-wrenchingly
And if you’re waiting for something, too…I’m either the best or the worst person to say this to you, but…Patience, Dear Grasshopper, Patience. You’re almost there. Everything you’re doing is bringing you one step closer. I can see the finish line in the distance, even if you can’t. You’re one ruby-slippers-click away from home. In the meantime, though, try to find comfort in this:
YOU’LL GET IT WHEN YOU GET IT.
Go have your glass of wine. And breathe deep. Cuz you got this. You know why? Because you’ve had it all along.
Namaste, bitches.
Julie Slater, aka THE LOTUS FLOWER,
When she’s not at concerts, you can usually find her meditating or in the kitchen. She has a slight obsession with deep, dark cabernets & small batch whiskey. Namaste!